narrated knife fight: March 2007

so, i may have mentioned to some of you before that i intended on writing my own version of the 100 things you might not know about me after reading one that i found on a random person's blog. i thought it was sweet and neat and it inspired me to try to come up with things that you may not know about me whether you've known me for a million years or haven't met me at all in real life. i'm not entirely done with the list and i'm sure i'll do some revisions but i thought i'd just put up what i have so far, just because i can...and i encourage you to attempt such a list. it's much harder than it appears and you may be surprised with what you come up with. and i'd love to read it. bloop!

100 things you might not know about me:

1. My favorite number is 7 because I’ve always liked it and I guess it’s supposedly lucky. Also, I was born on October 27, 1977. I weighed 7 pounds and 7 ounces. My shoe size is 7 (& 1/2). I was 21 inches long at birth which is divisible by 7 and is a bit of stretch but I’ll keep it.

2. In third grade I was reading aloud from my social studies book as was requested by my teacher Mrs. Wickenkamp. I was very nervous and I got to the end of a line which had hypenated the word Ar-
kansas like that which I read out loud as “Ark. Kansas.” My teacher corrected my mistake by enunciating arkanSAW, my face became bright red, and kids laughed. I was humilated.

3.I played the violin in elementary school. I never wanted to play the violin in actuality. I originally wanted to play the viola or cello but Miss Sweet, the bitter old music teacher lady with the salt and pepper crunchy permed hair told me i couldn’t b/c i was too small. She kind of forced me to play the violin. My brother used to play the violin before me (he’s 4 years older) but he quit so my goal became to just play longer than he did. Yay sibling rivalry.

4. My first nickname was Cowhen Moocluck in middle school. My best friend Jenny (who for trivia’s sake was my best friend since preschool until around 7th grade. Things ended badly between us.) and my first boyfriend (that was in 5th grade) Jason and I came up with it I think. It was just animal names similar sounding to my own name with the corresponding noises of the animals. Yup. I even made a plaster cast mirror in art class with the name on it. I still have it along with Jason’s blue Bill and Ted elevator mirror.

5. I was fascinated by the illustrations and story of a really old copy of “The Owl and the Pussycat” when I was little. Maybe it was just a Little Red Schoolhouse version of that story but something about those characters and the moonlight drawings were something close to hyponotic.

6. My favorite painting is “The Automat’ by Edward Hopper.

7. Once I was listening to the radio and the song “Jessie's Girl” made me cry. I thought that would be such a sad situation to be in. It was happy sunshine premenstrual time. Damn you Rick Springfield.

8. I wish I could get away with calling significant others such things as “sweetheart” or “darling” or “baby” but it just sounds ridiculous coming from my mouth. “baby” sounds particularly silly. I have since changed my mind. I enjoy saying baby now. Everything else still kinda feels odd on my lips.

9. I am happiest with sunshine on my face.

10. The Cure’s “Close To Me” always pleases me. I remember the first time I heard it I was in Colorado riding in the back of Jessica Parke’s car, Darcy in the front seat, and we were listening to some local radio station. Just when the song came on the sun came out and made the snow on the mountains sparkle so much it was hard to see. I was happy. I almost peed my pants because I’d never heard it before.

11. I enjoy sludge coffee at convenience stores...also known as french vanilla cappuccino. It is mandatory to drink to start a road trip. In particular early morning car trips.

12. A short while before losing my virginity I re-read The Bell Jar. This is not an intelligent thing to do. That contains a not-so-pretty losing your virginity scene that would freak out any non-sex having person.

13. I never watched Fraggle Rock. I did watch The Muppet Show though. And Sesame Street mostly. Not much Electric Company.

14. I was co-president of the Iowa Naturalists Club in high school. And secretary of Japanese Club. I was involved in theatre, art club, and some other stuff I can’t remember...the yearbook says I was a Flag Girl but that’s a lie. What’s a Flag Girl?

15. I hate people who talk past you or talk to you while scanning the room for other people. Don’t bother talking to me at all please.

16. I adore it when kittens open their mouths to mew but nothing comes out. It is too adorable.

17. I find myself prone to depression more so in the last year. It rarely lasts a significant amount of time but it can linger about and make me sad.

18. I’m fond of liquid eyeliner. Fascinating!

19. I love carnival games but I rarely go to places that have them anymore and if I do go I don’t play the games because they cost too much. I remember with great great love my Grant Wood Elementary School May Day Carnival. There was the Dum-Dum lollipop tree, the ping pong ball toss (to win live goldfish--and it was fairly easy to win much to the chagrin of anti-pet parents), a crappy jewelry engraving station (where you could have anything you wanted engraved onto cheap gold trinkets), a face-painting station, the rubber duck pond where you pick a duck and the number on the bottom is the number of the prize you get, etc. I had great fun at this carnival. But, it was also the scene or reason behind a couple of the most tragedy-filled (you know, for a kid): (1) the cake walk incident. I, for the first time ever, won the cake walk. And had practically first dibs on a wide variety of delicious (and not-so delicious) desserts. Like a kid in a candy store, literally. cake store, anyway. So after a long long time I decided that I wanted this beautiful 3-layered chocolate mint cake. So the the PTA moms put my name on it and told me to come back at the end of the day to pick it up. So, I come back all excited and ready to take my next best friend home & find to my horror that someone had taken MY cake walk win. The stupid PTA moms were all like, ‘darn. that’s too bad.’ All that was left were some generic m&m hy-vee cookies that was already opened. I was very very sad. I vowed never to cake walk again. (2) I guess there’s not much of a story about the second tra-tra-tragedy. My last year at Grant Wood (5th grade) I got sick and my parents wouldn’t let me go to the Carnival. I missed the last carnival marking the end of my elementary school career. I was very sad.

20. A boy once asked me to couple skate with him by dedicating the song ‘Hungry Eyes’ to me at Skate Country in 4th Grade. I did. How could I not? Seriously.

21. I cut my own hair. And color it too. And fuck around with it entirely too much.

22. I hate having to buy to toilet paper and feminine hygiene products. I don’t know why. It just makes me mad.

23. I’m a packrat. I can manage to throw some things away but there are certain things that I have that fall into a hazy category that I may one day use so I don’t want to discard to find that it would have been something I needed. In particular clothing and art stuff I have trouble letting go of.

24. I’ve never been a smoker. It just never caught on. I’ve smoked plenty of cigarettes and cigars since my first one in high school but I’ve never found myself, well, addicted. I did love cloves though. They smell really nice and leave that twinge on sweetness on your lips. Maybe because my mom smoked for twenty-some years and I always hated it growing up had a little something to do with it. Or I was just lucky to not find myself craving the nicotine as others have.

25. I love baths. But I grew up taking baths from a wee kid up until high school. All the places I lived (the farm, that apartment complex, the house on MVR) had bathtubs. My mom’s new place had a shower as did my first apartment. So, I now I love showers. They’re quicker. Easier. And you don’t lie around and soak in dirty water. Or need to clean that nasty ring around the tub.

26. Old bandname: Realistic Dino Skin
New bandname: Don’t Bet On a Craphorse

27. I secretly love to play games...as in board games and games in bars like pool or darts but I find myself unable to play them in front of other people I don’t know. I get entirely self-conscious which ruins the fun. That’s really weird, I know.

28. I’ve never gotten a manicure, pedicure, facial, or gone tanning...ever. Once, I got a 1/2 hour massage at a massage therapist’s because I got a gift certificate. I like massages though. If I were richer, I’d like to get some more of those sometimes. I’m wicked tense all the time.

29. I find it very saddening that Iowa City doesn’t have much decent live music come through here anymore. Remember Pavement, Stereolab, Decemberists, etc....

30. I’m very allergic to mosquitoes. More so than the average person. I puff up and it’s not good at all. I don’t even need to itch it. It just gets huge and evil. I am a tasty treat for the mosquitoes.

31. I hate doing my dishes.

32. My favorite flower is the calla lily. And tulips.

33. I find Kevin Bacon creepy and don’t understand how people can be attracted to that corpse. Patrick Swayze’s appeal was always a mystery too. Especially when one of my friend Jeanette was obsessed with him after watching ‘Dirty Dancing.’ I thought she was nuts. She kept talking about how hot his body was and I thought that was gross.

34. I loved Garfield when I was younger. I thought he was delightfully sarcastic. I also loved how he tried to mail Nermal to foreign destinations like Abudabe.Yes, I looked up how to spell Abudabe because I'm a nerd but apparently my source was wack because it's Abu Dhabi. Scott's right and he should know. Now go eat some tasty lasagna.

35. My parents stressed the importance of washing fruit before eating it...so much so that I was extremely worried about not doing it. Once my brother made me mad and I gave him an unwashed apple thinking I was going to kill him if he ate it. He took a bite and I think I knocked it out of his hand and felt bad that I tried to kill my brother. I was maybe 6.

36. I took baton twirling lessons for 2 years in elementary school. I took ballet and tap for one class.

37. I was never in Brownies or Girl Scouts or anything like that. I never went to summer camp either. Sometimes I went to this day camp at my school during the summer to do crafts and play noc hockey, mancala (i still love that game), tetherball, 4 square, etc. It was pretty lame but fun. I particularly liked craft time. Oh, the things you can do with popsicle sticks, glue, glitter, macaroni, and a dream.

38. I grew up on a farm in Cedar Rapids. My dad still owns it. My grandparents had it before him. Alfalfa and cattle. It’s not being used for farming anymore.

39. I’ve never gotten flowers from a boy. Ever. Isn’t that lame? I mean, I’ve gotten corsages for school dances but that involved the boy’s mother stopping at hy-vee’s floral dept and picking up a plastic boxed carnation thing on sale. that doesn’t count. i had a boyfriend who stole one rose from his dad’s 2 dozen rose valentine present to his wife to give me. this was days after valentine’s day, mind you. that doesn’t count either. while visiting him in new york, you know how there’s flower markets on just about every damn street corner? i mentioned repeatedly that they were so pretty...then, i’d like someone to get me some someday...then, i would like some now...then, i would like this bouquet right here...then, i’m going to buy these for myself...then, fuck you, you stupid sack of crap. this boy considered himself a romantic and observant. uh, no. in re-reading this, i'm tickled how pissy i sound. it was a ridiculous thing though...i think if something as simple as that could make someone you're with happy (or anyone for that matter) then be good and nice and do it. i would...that's all. hmmm...is this about flowers at all? for now, yes. flowers are pretty.

40. My first cassette tape was The Bangles “A Different Light”.

41. I always wait until after the first of the new year to buy a new calendar. There’s something I love about choosing one out of the ones no one wants that pleases me. Finding one that I like out of so many that I don’t and no one else does either. Plus I just refuse to spend $12.95 or more on something like that. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s really just a dollar a month but I won’t have it. Sure, that story started off kinda of sweet and then it just ended with me being cheap. Oh well.

42. Milk. I used to drink whole milk, as in from the cow milk on the farm. Then, 2%. My best friend drank skim. I thought it was disgusting. It was watered down good milk and I thought her family was crazy. I also used to pronounce it ‘melk.’ now i drink 1% usually. happy medium.

43. There are some people on this planet that I just have for the life of me no idea what they’re saying ever. Either they’re strange mumblers or low-talkers or something and I cannot understand them. I think I’m just incapable to pick up on their frequency because I really just see their lips moving and yet I just have no clue what they’re taking about. Case in point...in high school I had a teacher named Mr. Pink (who was really fucking awesome by the way, but...) I had NO CLUE what he was saying at any given time. I knew he was speaking, I could hear sounds but to distinguish those sounds as actual words was not something I could do. Others had this problem with him I guess but then there were those who didn’t & thought I was just a total nutter for not knowing what the frick he was saying. This happens occasionally with people to this day. I find it wholly disturbing.

44. I want to learn how to knit.

45. My favorite subjects in school (before college, besides art) were: biology, humanities class--in particular the mythology unit, creative writing, and acting. In college (besides art & art history): acting, psychology, and papermaking/center for the book classes.

46. I considered being an drama or psychology major.

47. I think clothes for pets is a form of animal cruelty.

48. The oldest man I’ve kissed was 42. He was the professor of a friend. This was in ‘06.

49. I failed my driver’s license test the first time I took it. I got an A- in the class at school but I was picked as one of the “lucky” random people who’s required to take a road test at the DMV after taking the written exam. I failed after I didn’t come to a complete stop at a red light before taking a right turn back into the parking lot of the stupid DMV. So close! But, I went back the next week and passed with flying colors.

50. I don’t wear nail polish.

51. I really like being near water. Any kind really...lakes, rivers, ponds, oceans, etc. I find it comforting and very pretty to look at usually. Sunsets are particularly lovely over the water.

52. I spend way too much time online. Way, way, way too much time. Especially on myspace. I’m addicted. I don’t know why. It’s not that interesting really.

53. I don’t like to wear jewelry...as in expensive jewelry store jewelry. Sure, I like pretty necklaces and things but it doesn’t need to be real. I won’t feel as bad if it gets lost.

54. I didn’t see the movie Grease until it was re-released in theaters.

55. I’ve been asked to sign autographs before. Impressed? Well, the ones asking were young children after seeing me in my starring role in high school as an extra in the Playtime Poppy production of King Midas and the Magic Touch. I was playing Lady DeCorum. I got my picture taken with some of them. It was very cute.

56. I hate olives. They're gross.

57. I’m not allergic to anything that I know of.

58. School mascots: Grant Wood Little Warriors, McKinley Middle School Bears, Washington High School Warriors, Kirkwood College Eagles, University of Iowa Hawkeyes. Hmmmm...warriors, bears, and birds, oh my.

59. I do not feel the need to have a gagillion shoes. I have black boots that I wear with most everything. Brown boots for the other clothes. Then, I have some simples, running shoes, and 1 pair of dressy shoes. That sounds like a lot. I guess. My mom has like 50 pairs and they’re all basically the same black shoes. I always thought that was weird.

60. I used to laugh uncontrollably without much reason as a kid. Sometimes it was a word or a look my best friend would give me. Once I recall thinking how funny the word paper was and I think I peed my pants laughing so hard.

61. I’m fairly certain my best friend’s house was haunted. Stuff would be moved around when you’d leave the room and come back. I guess the old lady who lived in the house before they moved in had lived there a really long time and died there. Playing in her backyard I remember seeing a shadowy figure in the attic window watching us play when nobody was at home. It was creepy.

62. I don’t particularly like scary movies. I still freak myself out sometimes. Terrible images pop into my head right before I fall asleep causing me to have nightmares. Movies that have freaked me out: the pool scene in Poltergeist, the skinless corpse running along side the car in (i think) the color version remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the pink skeleton torso that screeches “brains! brains!” in Return of the Living Dead, and more recently the out-of-the-tv crawling Samara in The Ring which is not a good movie but that scene freaked me out.

63. I love sentimental people. I love being sentimental. It’s very sweet.

64. I can’t curl my tongue.

65. In the last five years I’ve become increasingly frightened of tornadoes. Last week’s F2 tornado that ripped through Iowa City (and a block away from my house no less) has reinforced my fear. No shit. Tornado: 4/13/06

66. I miss those sparkly kitty stickers you could get for 50-cents from toy machines.

67. I love ski lifts but not on ski slopes. Just at Adventureland. Though I do not like heights. [Man, I’m admitting a lot of fears on this list.]

68. The best memory I have of Adventureland (the Iowa amusement park of choice in Des Moines that I went to countless times since a wee one) is the 8th grade end-of-the-school-year field trip during school and the time Darcy & I went and ate a lot of disgusting food: foot-long chili dogs, cheese fries, funnel cake, fresh squeezed lemonade. It was so gross but so good. We should have puked. I remember that part more so than the rides...that can’t be good.

69. Circuses and zoos are depressing and evil.

70. When I was a kid I wanted to be a marine biologist and work exlusively around the Great Barrier Reef.

71. I only like writing with black roller ball pens in particular Pilot pens. I only journal with black ink. It’s important.

72. In fourth grade my nemesis was a boy named Adrian Hill. We would spit on each other at recess and call each other names. He was a jerk. One time I pushed him and grabbed his collar but I accidentally stratched his neck when I did that. I made him bleed. After recess he told on me to my teacher Miss Gerloff who responded by saying, “Well, if Karen did it you probably deserved it.” She was my all-time favorite teacher.

73. Yes, I liked NKOTB. Joey was my favorite. I thought he was dreamy. He sang “Please Don’t Go Girl” to me.

74. My favorite color is blue-violet. I find it calming. I may have first really figured out it was my favorite when I kept noticing that most cars used that color on the dash when you’d turn on the high beams...at least the cars I drove in high school did.

75. I have social anxiety issues. i'm serious.

76. All time favorite shows I’ve been to: David Bowie in Minneapolis, Pavement at the Union Bar in IC, Pixies (in Lincoln, NB and at Lollapalooza), Decemberists at the Mill in IC...

77. Jobs I’ve had: cashier, sales associate (many times), cook, server, concession stand worker at a baseball park (i know nothing about baseball), packager, welder, pizza delivery driver, warehouse work, housekeeper, detasseler (for one horrible day), telemarketer (one day), babysitter (i rarely did this unlike most of my friends), grocery store cookie sample girl, photography assistant. My first job was as a Target "Food Avenue" employee. It sucked my ass.

78. I’m right-handed. When we learned penmanship in school I would always grip the pencil too tightly. I had that problem for a long time so that the pencil rubbed against my middle finger and it formed a callous there. It’s still there a little bit because I still do it sometimes.

79. In junior high I thought I was going to one day be a surfer and subscribed to Surfer magazine (for a year).

80. I love that snow that look like fluffs of cotton batting. It floats about and falls so slowly that it doesn’t look real. I always get that feeling like I’m in a snow globe when it snows like that.

81. One summer in junior high I applied to be a camp counselor at a Christian Bible camp in Mount Pleasant with my friend Jamie who went to the older kids version of the camp every year. The guy who ran it came to interview us together. He brought those sticks as an icebreaker. It was lame. But really funny because I had never been to church in my life and I was attempting to convince this dude that I could teach bible stuff to kids while trying to twirl rubber-coated sticks. I think at one point he asked me why I’d make a good counselor and I said something like because “I think it’s important to get kids to understand Jesus...and stuff.” I did not get the job.

82. I love Tropical Fruit Kool-Aid. It’s my favorite flavor. As a kid though I never had a Kool-Aid or lemonade stand. I thought it was lame. How could you really make any money? I’d spent it on candy anyway. Favorite candy as a kid? Lik-A-Maid, Skor, and I really liked those Hostess chocolate pudding pies that eventually became affliated with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You’d get a free sticker with every one you’d buy. I’d almost always get Leonardo.

83. I’ve always wanted to get a tattoo but I can never decide what to get and where. These are important to know in order to get one. I’m glad I didn’t get one in high school. I’m sure I would have ended up with a butterfly on my ankle. Same with piercing. The only piercing I really like is labret piercings but I’m sure it’d just fuck up my teeth. I’m so not hard core. Obviously. Oh, by the way, I despise eyebrow rings.

84. I have a fear of dark water. Like, when you’d go boating and stop off somewhere to swim. I’d always hestitate to jump in because I’d think about what could be in there and just how deep it is.

85. I’ve always really wanted ride in a hot air balloon. I’m sure once you’re up there it gets pretty boring pretty quick but something about it really appeals to me.

86. I adore the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I was just thinking about it the other day and it’s obviously a great movie but the more I think about it, I think it’s just blissfully beautiful. It simulataneously makes me elated and depressed about love in general and the nature of relationships...but in the end it makes me feel like love or even the chance of love is worth it. I feel that way about all my relationships even the ones that really didn’t work you learn about yourself and all in all a connection is something that shouldn’t be ignored, rather celebrated and acknowledged as a very precious and wonderous thing.

87. I wish I went off on my own sooner. I’m glad I spent time in Chicago. It makes me realize a lot about myself. Like, school is important, I feel for personal reasons and in the event that you have a set idea for what you’d like to do with your life but in many ways I don’t think that you need it to succeed. Yes, it definitely helps and there are those careers that you choose where it is essential but if you’re dedicated, you can still do well without it, in particular those jobs which require creativity.

88. If I could go back in time, I wish I’d learned to play an instrument or ten.

89. I constantly chronicle the Ache. It shows up in my life in different capacities. It must be dealt with.

90. I’m very disappointed with Cracker Jack prizes these days. It pains me. That, and the absence of awesome Saturday morning cartoons.

91. I am constantly writing lists. Things to do. Things I want to accomplish. Things that will make me healthy. How to organize my room. I don’t think I ever fully complete a list (as in check everything off) but somehow the writing of the list makes me feel less stressed out about it. The release of the burden through the acknowledgement of its existence by writing it down.

92. I deliver the 'zas in Iowa City. At one time I never would have considered this job because I feared not knowing the city well enough and getting lost all the time. Well, I still don't know the city all that well and get lost sometimes but I'm learning and I love delivering. It's like getting to repeatedly sneak away from work, hang out in my car and listen to music, and have a mini-adventure while getting a little peak into other people's lives and events. It's fun.

93. I'm too lazy to check to see if I mentioned this already...so I'll just type it and check later. My favorite song for many many many months is "I'll Be On The Water" by Akron/Family. Sometimes it sounds just so beautiful that I have to close my eyes, curl my toes, sigh and smile.

94. The NuvaRing is the best thing ever. I'm just saying...

95. I think about taking daily vitamins almost daily. In the time it takes me to think of it I probably could have just taken the vitamin but I usually get distracted by shiny things or pancakes.

96. I will one day shave my head...and it'll feel oh so good...and look oh so ridiculous but I still wanna.

97. I used to be fascinated by trilobite fossils when I was younger. I thought they were so awesome.

Also, after reading my Weekly Reader's Science News in 4th Grade I was ferociously fascinated by the live coelacanth that fishermen found off the coast of South Africa. Over 400 million years old and relatively unchanged since then, pre-dating the dinosaurs, how could a kid not love that? And it's creepy. Check it: