it has been a while since i've written an official post on this here bloggitty. i've been writing another off-and-on in not-so-secret which i may just begin using as my blog of all blogs in the future. that one is of gut-wrenching stuff that felt particularly private as i wrote it which i decided to not publicly publish but now as my perceptions are mildly changing and evolving into something else, it feels more of something i'd like chronicled just because it was who i was at that time. owning up to such thoughts and realizations about myself and others that have both positively and negativedly influenced me, is important to help me let go of those things that i have allowed to permeate my mind, sometimes to an unhealthy degree.

being healthy is important!

anyway, i'm very glad that i have this new job. i find it oddly fulfilling which is bizarre considering it's just a delivery job. but the people who work there are fantastic. i'm still the odd man out but everyone in a way seems that way there. that's a strange way to put that. anyway, everyone is unique in mostly delightful ways and yet have the same core stuff in that they're kind and compassionate and don't take life too seriously. this is good for me. i've been so wrapped up in the issues in my head that it's such a wonderous thing to listen to other people talk about their lives and their dramas and happy things. i do like to listen and the people at work have been more than willing to chat about themselves. apparently it was a group decision to hire me anyway and that's a happy thing as well. so, i'm happy to be employed but i'm happier that i'm employed at a place that's enjoyable to go to.

i have another job as well. tomorrow is orientation. it's a fun-filled factory job where i will be working 12-hour shifts 3-4 days a week. it'll be fine! i like to test myself with these jobs anyway. it won't be forever and i always find that these jobs have a tendency to simultaneously wake me up and put me to sleep. it's the monotony and escape that has it's appeal i imagine. it'll be fine! i'm trying to convince myself. it'll be fine!

anyway, if it's not, i can always escape-escape so there's that.

well, as far as my mental health goes, i'm doing better these days. the shining sun is helping and on ocassion the fucking cold wakes me. i'm motivated. i want to do things, more things and i think that has a lot to do with my change in diet and exercising. i hope to continue working out because i aim to bench press my friends by summer.